Thursday, March 02, 2006

Jealousy

Lately Patrick and I have really been struggling to make ends meet. It is no one's fault but our own, but it sucks nonetheless. Neither of us are so materialistic that we feel like we need the latest flatscreen television or ATV or computer. We don't wear high-end clothing. It's just not our style. But we would like to take an expensive vacation every couple of years and buy something really nice for each other or the girls occasionally. So this not having money thing really wears on us.

We went to the wedding of a friend's sister last weekend. I was already self-conscious because it was black-tie and I didn't feel super attractive under all this skin. My shoes weren't comfortable. We had both girls with us. My hair was frizzing out. Then I heard, "Yeah, I just made my first million last weekend." It was my friend's husband chatting with one of his buddies. I knew they were doing well. I just didn't realize it was that well. And for some reason I'm having a really hard time not feeling like I'm in a completely different social class now.

I barely want to speak to her anymore. I'm jealous. I'm embarrassed. I'm a moron.

I keep getting these e-mails reminding me to count my blessings in life because I may have something that they really want and can't have.

Well, I have my daughter. And I wouldn't trade her for all the money in the world. But they can't NOT have kids. They just haven't tried yet. It kind of sounds like they have it all. I'm the dummy who can't look past all of it.

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